What to think about: Does the title work? Are the images vivid enough to work as both something symbolic and abstract? Does the poem flow well enough (are there any words/breaks that in your mind interrupt it in a bad way)? Is there any particular image that just doesn't make sense, no matter how many times you read it?
Do you see the allegory I'm attempting to use? The allusion? Does it work?
Thanks, in advance.
Night, Rise, Exiting the Theater
beaten by the noon
obtrusive and choking and too many drops
in the bathroom
washes evidence of your night away
sneaks open when the sun storms off
with a wave of his hand,
flicking his flashy gold rings
his glare claims
far too many things
and his possessions are freer than they are burned to believe
but when it sleeps she unfolds and glows
alive on thrills of the unknown:
see her in
better than his
just wait, for soon
the sun will not touch you again