A kidney for a kidney (amethyst_soul) wrote in omega_poetry,
A kidney for a kidney
amethyst_soul
omega_poetry

feed the artist

Poem, not very long. I'd love to get feedback on this.

What to think about: Does the title work? Are the images vivid enough to work as both something symbolic and abstract? Does the poem flow well enough (are there any words/breaks that in your mind interrupt it in a bad way)? Is there any particular image that just doesn't make sense, no matter how many times you read it?
Do you see the allegory I'm attempting to use? The allusion? Does it work?

Thanks, in advance.


Night, Rise, Exiting the Theater

purple
rose

dust abound

denned

beaten by the noon

rose
in
mornings--a.m. ponds

obtrusive and choking and too many drops
from
the faucet
in the bathroom
washes evidence of your night away
rose

sneaks open when the sun storms off
with a wave of his hand,
flicking his flashy gold rings
his glare claims
far too many things
and his possessions are freer than they are burned to believe

Cairo--day

pinches rose
closed

but when it sleeps she unfolds and glows
alive on thrills of the unknown:
velvet stars
see her in
sharper light
better than his

rose
you are
so frail
just wait, for soon

the sun will not touch you again
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